Ever meet someone with whom you fall completely in love with?? I mean, so in love that its unconditional in every sense of the word.
Where no matter what that person does, its excusable some how. Easily forgiven. Brushed under the carpet and ignored. Not because you are weak in will and accept less than you deserve, but because you are blinded by love and drained of all logic.
I fell so incredibly in love with a boy with the most amazing brown eyes. The most heart stopping smile. And a voice that was rich and velvety to my ears. I fell inlove with a boy who took my breath away over and over again, to such degrees that I had to remind myself to breathe. This boy gave me butterflies that made me feel nauseous with their consistent flutter.
I fell in love with a boy who would make my mother pale and assure me disapproval from my family. A boy I had no business being about... A boy who, to me, was so beautiful, regardless of the battle scars from his life.
I've never been in a relationship so intense. where feelings of elation are bound to be followed by tears and pain. I've never been with someone who always broke me down, to make me feel as if he, and he alone could be the one to fix me.
And when he loved me back, I was whole... And when he was mean, I was in pieces. Over and over again this happend for 8 months.
People watched as I become a shadow of the person I used to be, while I fought tooth and nail to be the girl He wanted me to be. A girl he could love.
I've never had someone just touch me, and I go weak at the knees. Stare deeply into my eyes and dazzle me. Kiss me, and have me melt to a puddle only to be evaporated by our intense heat.
I've never been with some one who emotionally abused me as much as he did. I have never felt worse about myself, and I have yet to feel as good as I felt before him.
Yet I miss him. Every day. I think about him.
Some days I hate him. Others I feel like I will never stop loving him- and I dont know why...
Do I miss him... Or do I miss the emotional rollercoaster he put me on???
I believe that I miss who he was when I fell in love with him. Not who I finally walked away from, but not after giving him way more of myself than he deserved...
I dont knwo why they call it Heart Break, for the longest time it felt like my whole body was sore, bruised and battered.... He never gave me himself completely. Only in flash cards that left me wondering if I had conjured them up on my own...
I dont regret him, I just, wish he'd loved me more...
