I read the book titled: The Secret. Basically, it's like any form of faith, ask and you shall receive.
The whole point of the book is that you are the creator of your own universe (which I fully agree with) and that you can either bring the good, or the bad into your life. If you want something bad enough, you will being it towards you, but not by wanting it. Because then all you bringing into your life is want...
So, I spent my summer going through the seven stages of grief, forever stuck on bargaining and depression, none of which according to the book would help my cause.
Then it was the fall and the colours were so pretty and life was hectic busy and happening. School, work, gym and a social life. I was juggling it all and I was busy. Loving being busy, because being busy means I am not thinking about Him. And all the while, while I am busy being busy, I had little time to notice who had somewhat come back into my life.
When did it happen? Why am I only noticing now?
So, I acknowledged the presence and I welcome back the confusion and the pain. We are old pals and they never really left, they were just shoved in a corner while more important matters clouded my mind. They now have taken upon squatting front and center in my mind. Welcome back old friends, cant say I missed you.
So I did something ridiculous (some might say). I took a leap of faith, I took a risk, made a complete *Bad Girl* move that I am hoping pays off, instead of making me feel like an ass. I made a move that would bring him back into my life, all the while still making it his choice. I gave him an "in". The thumbs up. The "come Hither". But this also means I put myself out there for rejection. Which he'd be stupid to do, but something he still just might.
Sitting thinking about the bizarre occurrences that have brought him back into my life, I know I did it. Or fate did it. But either way, I have to now decide if its truly what I want. I remember wishing him back, but not necessarily back with me. Well baby, He's back.... And I want to want him. In fact, I do want him, but none of that matters if he doesn't want me..
So, I've literally put the ball in his court and sent it along with a box of cookies. And now I wait, while swathed in the magic of Christmas and the childhood habit of believing in it all; I wait. But not longer that till midnight of the 31st. Because my life does go on. I have held on so long, my arm are hurting, I can not and will not hold onto him and I forever.
And I said I forgot him, and that I didn't care, but he's back and well... I care.
Depending on how this all turns out, I might have to be careful what I wish for next...
