Have you ever woken up and wondered what your purpose in life was?
I woke up this morning as my alarm ringed out its annoying tune. I peeled my eyes open with exaggerated difficulty and looked at the same roof I have been staring at for almost three years now. I sighed the same sigh I sigh every morning. The clock read the same time it does every morning, and that heavy weight: that weight that presses down on your chest and makes it hard to breathe, sat patiently on my chest. Getting heavier.
My day ran as usual. The same way it always does on a Wednesday. The only difference is that I finally cracked. I finally unleashed a torrent of anger even if it was possibly misguided. Today something in me just snapped and has made me fed up with how I live my life. I'm fed up feeling like I'm being taken advantage of and I'm fed up with telling people I am fine when I'm not.
I woke up this morning and realisation hit a lot harder than I would have ever thought. I am almost 22 years old, and I feel as if nothing I have done in my life matters. I feel as if I have done nothing worthy. I have not influenced a life. I have not changed something and made it better. I have not helped. I have not built. I have done nothing; but live. No, not live because living implies that I have experienced life to the fullest extent of my capabilities. I have just existed. Walked through life just as an observer. I have not taken part in changing the world. I have watched from the side lines, sometimes cheering sometimes booing, but never getting onto the field and playing the game myself
I want to matter. I want to be the change, see the change and live the change. I want to make a difference and feel as if I have not just lived my life for the sake of existing. I want to make a difference bigger that I am. I want a purpose in this life. I want to be better, do better and create better. Artists create, musicians create. builders and architects create. Doctors heal... I want to be better, I just wish I knew how.
I want my life to feel as if it matters. I want to matter. I want to find a purpose.
I woke up this morning as my alarm ringed out its annoying tune. I peeled my eyes open with exaggerated difficulty and looked at the same roof I have been staring at for almost three years now. I sighed the same sigh I sigh every morning. The clock read the same time it does every morning, and that heavy weight: that weight that presses down on your chest and makes it hard to breathe, sat patiently on my chest. Getting heavier.
My day ran as usual. The same way it always does on a Wednesday. The only difference is that I finally cracked. I finally unleashed a torrent of anger even if it was possibly misguided. Today something in me just snapped and has made me fed up with how I live my life. I'm fed up feeling like I'm being taken advantage of and I'm fed up with telling people I am fine when I'm not.
I woke up this morning and realisation hit a lot harder than I would have ever thought. I am almost 22 years old, and I feel as if nothing I have done in my life matters. I feel as if I have done nothing worthy. I have not influenced a life. I have not changed something and made it better. I have not helped. I have not built. I have done nothing; but live. No, not live because living implies that I have experienced life to the fullest extent of my capabilities. I have just existed. Walked through life just as an observer. I have not taken part in changing the world. I have watched from the side lines, sometimes cheering sometimes booing, but never getting onto the field and playing the game myself
I want to matter. I want to be the change, see the change and live the change. I want to make a difference and feel as if I have not just lived my life for the sake of existing. I want to make a difference bigger that I am. I want a purpose in this life. I want to be better, do better and create better. Artists create, musicians create. builders and architects create. Doctors heal... I want to be better, I just wish I knew how.
I want my life to feel as if it matters. I want to matter. I want to find a purpose.
