It's all relative... Right?

Today has been a good day. No, Today has been a great day. Everything that could and would go wrong, did. And I was pissed off at the world. FML, right? Why me?! Why today? Why can't I just get a break? Why can't my life be simple?

No one said life was easy. Because it's not. It's all hard, and tough. Bridges burn, people die. Life is hard...

But, today, even while life was throwing all it had at me; something utterly amazing happened. I paused, took a deep breath, calmed down, and decided to fight back. To not quit.

In all the sinking I felt I was doing, my head emerged above water, keeping me from drowning.

And, while treading to keep my head above water, a hand grabbed mine and pulled me right out of drowning. And while I looked into those brown eyes; I knew why I loved this unlovable soul.

I don't care what people say. When I look into his eyes, I see my forever. And when he knows to put his arms around me and just let me be, I see a place I never want to leave. When I look at him, I see the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to grow old with him. I want someone who when he looks at me, tells me what he sees without looking at me with his eyes. I want someone who can be goofy around me singing me "bollywood music" (very badly) while dancing in a haphazard circle almost tripping over his own long legs and big feet. I want someone who fills that space when I'm driving with him in my car, and our hands touch when adjusting the music volume while he sings (also very badly) to lady Gaga, or Rihanna, or whatever pop-ish music was playing as only the thumping of my pulse filled my ears.

And in that moment, nothing seemed that bad. Nothing could ruin my day as bad as it had been. Everything was OK, nothing mattered as much as how he made me feel; which is alive and happy and full of the unconquerable love.

At the same time, I understand what I want from life. I understand what I must do. I understand what I need, and I am so determined to get it. I must do me. He's not going to ask me to give up my dream, and I wouldn't. because, my dream with him includes me having completed my own dreams first.

And I love him so much, and I honestly think I always will but... He can not give me what I need from him right now; and that's OK. I can give MYSELF what I need right now, and that, is to follow my dreams....

In the moving words of William Ernest Henley:

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade.
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate.
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

I'm ready :)